I Never Really Liked God
To introduce myself, I would like to start out with a disclaimer. This entry is it.
I never really liked God. I was afraid of him, sure, but I never really liked him. Not the way some people do. So, if you are looking for a place to visit in order to support your Happy Jesus Freakiness, this is not the blog for you. (Yes, I am aware that saying "Happy Jesus Freakiness" may, in fact, mean that I am going to hell.)
Additionally, I am not trying to be converted. I believe in God. I tried atheism, and it didn't work out for me. I can't deny the existence of a God, and I believe that, for me at least, this God is the God of Christianity. Perhaps this means that I am weak-minded, but I'm all about following the advice of Emerson, who says, "I will so trust that what is deep is holy that I will do strongly before the sun and moon whatever inly rejoices me and the heart appoints." While I recognize that Emerson was not saying this to support Christianity, I believe it is good advice, nonetheless. I believe that the holiest place we humans have is in the depths of our hearts, and in the depths of my heart, there is an image (maybe imagined and unreal and unlikable, but still an image) of God.
Since re-believing (or whatever you call it when you renounce the religion of your youth only to return to it while still in your youth), I have had a very blunt relationship with God. If I think he's being an asshole, I tell him so. He usually tells me if he thinks I'm being one, too. I believe that God is loving, but I also believe that he responds to us in a way we'll understand. I'm not one to beat around the bush when it comes to my life, so neither is he. If he's really omnipotent, then there's no point in pretending that I don't think he's being an asshole because he'll know anyway. And this works for us. If it doesn't work for you, perhaps you should read another blog. (I feel I am beginning to sound like Lemony Snicket, but seriously, maybe you should read another blog.)
I don't go to church regularly because I don't like church. I feel like it's one big show for the masses. I've tried a gazillion churches, and I am currently most usually attending a small one that has probably bothered me the least out of all the churches I've been to. It's sort of Baptist; although, for a long time I thought it was non-denominational. Other people like church, and I support this decision on their part. I'm a tiny bit too cynical to sit there and feel like I'm connecting to God. This is probably because God and I tell each other we're assholes on a regular basis, and most of the people in any church I've ever been to would never even dream of saying the word "asshole" on a regular basis, much less saying it to God. Church just doesn't speak about the God I've come to know and appreciate. This is probably another reason that I may or may not be going to hell.
So basically, if you're really attached to your version of God or are really hung up on being properly spiritual, you're probably not going to like me very much. That's OK. I probably won't like you either. If, on the other hand, you like to hear the truth about someone else's existance, and like to wrestle with the idea of spirituality, what it means to us semi-sort-of-when-we-feel-like-it Christians of the 21st Century, and if/why we believe in it, then this is the blog you should read. Because I'm semi-sort-of-when-I-feel-like-it funny, and you may just like it.
I never really liked God. I was afraid of him, sure, but I never really liked him. Not the way some people do. So, if you are looking for a place to visit in order to support your Happy Jesus Freakiness, this is not the blog for you. (Yes, I am aware that saying "Happy Jesus Freakiness" may, in fact, mean that I am going to hell.)
Additionally, I am not trying to be converted. I believe in God. I tried atheism, and it didn't work out for me. I can't deny the existence of a God, and I believe that, for me at least, this God is the God of Christianity. Perhaps this means that I am weak-minded, but I'm all about following the advice of Emerson, who says, "I will so trust that what is deep is holy that I will do strongly before the sun and moon whatever inly rejoices me and the heart appoints." While I recognize that Emerson was not saying this to support Christianity, I believe it is good advice, nonetheless. I believe that the holiest place we humans have is in the depths of our hearts, and in the depths of my heart, there is an image (maybe imagined and unreal and unlikable, but still an image) of God.
Since re-believing (or whatever you call it when you renounce the religion of your youth only to return to it while still in your youth), I have had a very blunt relationship with God. If I think he's being an asshole, I tell him so. He usually tells me if he thinks I'm being one, too. I believe that God is loving, but I also believe that he responds to us in a way we'll understand. I'm not one to beat around the bush when it comes to my life, so neither is he. If he's really omnipotent, then there's no point in pretending that I don't think he's being an asshole because he'll know anyway. And this works for us. If it doesn't work for you, perhaps you should read another blog. (I feel I am beginning to sound like Lemony Snicket, but seriously, maybe you should read another blog.)
I don't go to church regularly because I don't like church. I feel like it's one big show for the masses. I've tried a gazillion churches, and I am currently most usually attending a small one that has probably bothered me the least out of all the churches I've been to. It's sort of Baptist; although, for a long time I thought it was non-denominational. Other people like church, and I support this decision on their part. I'm a tiny bit too cynical to sit there and feel like I'm connecting to God. This is probably because God and I tell each other we're assholes on a regular basis, and most of the people in any church I've ever been to would never even dream of saying the word "asshole" on a regular basis, much less saying it to God. Church just doesn't speak about the God I've come to know and appreciate. This is probably another reason that I may or may not be going to hell.
So basically, if you're really attached to your version of God or are really hung up on being properly spiritual, you're probably not going to like me very much. That's OK. I probably won't like you either. If, on the other hand, you like to hear the truth about someone else's existance, and like to wrestle with the idea of spirituality, what it means to us semi-sort-of-when-we-feel-like-it Christians of the 21st Century, and if/why we believe in it, then this is the blog you should read. Because I'm semi-sort-of-when-I-feel-like-it funny, and you may just like it.
posted by GetMeThrough at
10:39 AM
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