Trust?
I'm battling the common nuisance known as "the cold" (AKA Hell), so forgive me if this record is disjointed and strange. I plopped down in front of the TV this morning because I actually woke up when my alarm clock went off--an unprecidented and unlooked for event--which meant that I had the hour I normally reserve for snoozing to do what I would with. I turned on channel 11, and they were interviewing the guy who does their jingles. He was promoting his book Surprise Me, God, which I found rather interesting. You can check it out at his website. I'm thinking about trying this experiment myself. It could get interesting, I suppose. And Christians are supposed to have turned over the "canvas" of their lives anyway, so maybe it'd be an interesting plan.
I like to think that my real issues right now are too important to try something like this, which probably means that I don't really trust God. That's probably true. I've spent my whole "Christian" walk echoing Peter in Acts. Acts is sort of like the psychadelic trip of the Bible. I pretty much read it and think everybody was probably stoned, but at any rate, in it, these animals come down from Heaven, and God tells Peter to kill and eat. Peter responds by saying, "Surely not, Lord."
Even in the 6th grade, I resembled this verse. In everything I was ever asked or told to do, my response was always, "You can't really mean that... 'Surely not, Lord.'"
And sure, Peter was talking about eating unclean animals, which is a totally different issue (and one that, as a white American Christian, doesn't really affect me)(thankfully), but I still think it applies because I think the verse is really about trust.
I've never trusted God. To me, it's like letting go of the steering wheel when you're on the freeway and entrusting the destination of your vehicle to an invisible passenger. This passenger may have made himself known in the past by various, albeit vague, signs, but that's no reason to risk life and limb on a hunch that he may steer the car in the right direction. In fact, there's a country song out right now that suggests this very thing, and it freaks me out to no end. I can tell you one thing, if I am ever in a near accident (which I frequently am), the last thing I will consider is throwing my hands in the air and telling Jesus to "take the wheel."
So this whole, "Surprise me God" thing makes me a little nervous becuase I really do have a real crisis on my hands right now and the last thing I want is to give Him an open license to do whatever He wants. As if He couldn't anyway.
And so that's the bottom line. I don't have any control over what God does, anyway, if He does, in fact, exist, so what am I so worried about? And if He doesn't exist, then no harm, no foul. So maybe I will try this experiment. It might be a simpler way than my own meandering thoughts to see whether or not I actually do believe in Him.
I guess the bottom line about trusting God is this: Where the hell is he? It'd be so much easier to trust a passenger who I could see. (And one who didn't have all kinds of weird sub-clauses like "I-will-steer-the-car-only-if-you-have-faith" or "I-would've-steered-the-car-but-you-were-testing-me-so-I-didn't," which, blasphemy though it may be, seem to me like easy ways to explain the laws of chance.)
On the other hand, maybe I'm not even in the driver's seat at all. Maybe that's what scares me about faith in general. I may not even understand my position in the vehicle.
I like to think that my real issues right now are too important to try something like this, which probably means that I don't really trust God. That's probably true. I've spent my whole "Christian" walk echoing Peter in Acts. Acts is sort of like the psychadelic trip of the Bible. I pretty much read it and think everybody was probably stoned, but at any rate, in it, these animals come down from Heaven, and God tells Peter to kill and eat. Peter responds by saying, "Surely not, Lord."
Even in the 6th grade, I resembled this verse. In everything I was ever asked or told to do, my response was always, "You can't really mean that... 'Surely not, Lord.'"
And sure, Peter was talking about eating unclean animals, which is a totally different issue (and one that, as a white American Christian, doesn't really affect me)(thankfully), but I still think it applies because I think the verse is really about trust.
I've never trusted God. To me, it's like letting go of the steering wheel when you're on the freeway and entrusting the destination of your vehicle to an invisible passenger. This passenger may have made himself known in the past by various, albeit vague, signs, but that's no reason to risk life and limb on a hunch that he may steer the car in the right direction. In fact, there's a country song out right now that suggests this very thing, and it freaks me out to no end. I can tell you one thing, if I am ever in a near accident (which I frequently am), the last thing I will consider is throwing my hands in the air and telling Jesus to "take the wheel."
So this whole, "Surprise me God" thing makes me a little nervous becuase I really do have a real crisis on my hands right now and the last thing I want is to give Him an open license to do whatever He wants. As if He couldn't anyway.
And so that's the bottom line. I don't have any control over what God does, anyway, if He does, in fact, exist, so what am I so worried about? And if He doesn't exist, then no harm, no foul. So maybe I will try this experiment. It might be a simpler way than my own meandering thoughts to see whether or not I actually do believe in Him.
I guess the bottom line about trusting God is this: Where the hell is he? It'd be so much easier to trust a passenger who I could see. (And one who didn't have all kinds of weird sub-clauses like "I-will-steer-the-car-only-if-you-have-faith" or "I-would've-steered-the-car-but-you-were-testing-me-so-I-didn't," which, blasphemy though it may be, seem to me like easy ways to explain the laws of chance.)
On the other hand, maybe I'm not even in the driver's seat at all. Maybe that's what scares me about faith in general. I may not even understand my position in the vehicle.
posted by GetMeThrough at
10:18 AM
1 Comments:
I'm pretty sure it was kirkegaard who had similar thoughts concerning faith and doubt. He said that Abraham is the best metaphor for modern man in a spiritual crises. I.e. God is directing him to slaughter his own son in order to pledge his faith to Yeweh, and Abraham, a faithful servent, goes about God's decree, all the while trembling with the awful act that he's about to commit. Of course, at the last second God say "just kidding, you can use a lamb instead!" and abraham is left going "he he, good one God, real funny! (this guy is nuts!)."
Still, kierkegaard has a point. In truly comitting to a religious outlook you are giving up the reigns to controlling your own destiny to an entity who at times (let's face it) can be a REAL prick. Kierkegaard maintains that we have to do so, but our will comes into play with the doubt and fear we show before that decision (Abraham's trembling). Personally I think it's a crock. Any God that pulls that kind of shit, not to speak of infanticide, AIDS and famine doesn't deserve the time of day imo.
Still, I think the 30 day experiment would probably be a good thing to try, not because the concept is particularly innovative (asking Life to surprise you is a bit like someone who had never been to a museum before hoping to see some art on his first visit...it's inevitable!), but making a spiritual journal seems an excellent way to explore your faith throughout a month and to guage what your expectations are and how they change. Perspective can never hurt journeys of faith.
By
Anonymous, at 3:42 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home